Friday, October 31

Happy Halloween, Dullards!

A playlist for trick or treating:

— "Boris the Spider," The Who (spooky bass and vocal by the Ox)
— "Monster Mash," Bobby Pickett (just embrace it even if it is overplayed)
— "Ghostbusters," Ray Parker Jr. (you're gonna call Bill Murray, that's who)
— "Bela Lugosi's Dead," Bauhaus (if you go goth, go here)
— "Vampire Girl," Jonathan Richman (antidote to Bauhaus)
— "One of These Days," Pink Floyd (as in "one of these days, I'm going to cut you into little pieces")
— "Scary Monsters," David Bowie (and super creeps)
— "Hell," Squirrel Nut Zippers (get fitted for a suit of flame)
— "I Put A Spell On You," Screamin' Jay Hawkins (stranger than paradise)
— "I Walked With A Zombie," Roky Erickson (undead before undead was cool)
— "Thriller," Michael Jackson (Jacko meets Vincent Price)
— "Werewolves of London," Warren Zevon (and his hair was perfect)

Monday, October 27

Saturday, October 25

Biden kicks ass

Biden gives the smackdown to a biased reporter from Orlando's WFTV:

My brother Scott recently attended a Biden campaign event and came away a big fan. Perhaps he can be cajoled into sharing his observations here?

Wednesday, October 22

Larry David on the election

It's like waiting for results of a biopsy, only worse.

Possible Dullard Feat of Strength

Spend $150,000 on clothes, like Sarah Palin and the RNC did.


The Times Online has a list of the top off-target Bond moments. It's a lengthy list that doesn't even begin to scratch the surface. I re-watched Diamonds are Forever this past weekend, and man, is that a lousy piece of cinema. Daniel Craig's turn in Casino Royale indicates the producers are on track to let Bond live up to the potential the franchise always showed; but I'll wager that by the third or forth film they'll be back to ridiculous stunts and worse puns.

It's like vampire movies -- they're hardly ever any good, but I just like the concept for some reason, and every once in a while a watchable vamp flick comes along and temporarily renews my faith in the genre.

But, like all genre works, too many hacks enter the field because the tropes of the genre seem obvious enough that it shouldn't take a Hemingway to make a good zombie movie, or Western, or space opera.

Except that it does. Sue Grafton may outsell Dashiell Hammett, but no one's going to be reading her fifty years from now.

More Dullard takes on Bond here and here.

Zima is no longer with us

The "malternative" beverage is no longer in production and will vanish from store shelves by the end of the year — or will it?

Friday, October 17

Spinal Nuge

Interviewer: So, um, are you a sexist person?

The Nuge: I'm very sexy.

Wednesday, October 15

Debate moderators we'd like to see

Lehrer, Ifill, Brokaw and Schieffer. The moderators for the presidential debates in the 2008 campaign have been soporific duds. Here are some moderators we'd like to see:
  • Sarah Silverman
  • Larry David
  • Mindy Kaling (Kelly of TV’s “The Office”)
  • Michael Musto
  • Chris Rock
  • Ali G/Borat/Bruno
  • Michael Stipe
  • David Byrne
  • Spalding Gray (will require resurrection)
  • Sandra Day O’Connor
  • Samuel L. Jackson
  • Richard Simmons
  • Steve Jobs
  • Maureen Dowd
  • Meryl Streep
  • Charlie Kaufman (screenwriter of “Being John Malkovich” fame)
  • John Malkovich
  • Tina Fey
  • Pam Anderson
  • Chris Berman (of ESPN fame)
  • Michael Buffer (of “let’s get ready to rumble” fame)
  • Stephen Hawking
  • David Lee Roth
  • J.K. Rowling
  • Brangelina
  • Salma Hayek
  • Kevin Smith (writer/director of “Clerks” fame)
  • Denzel Washington
  • Padma Lakshmi
  • Joe the Plumber

Nine Most Useless Greatest Hits Albums

Some easy marks here, but if there's one thing Dullards like, it's snarky pop-culture lists.

Kraken finds work

Will, one hopes, devour Elisabeth Hasselbeck.

Tuesday, October 14

All apologies

A headline on CNN's site caught my eye:

Tim McGraw apologizes for album

I'm not familiar with McGraw, but based on what I do know, he could probably have a good reason to do this for every album in his catalog. Here, however, McGraw is telling his fans that he is sorry that his record company put out another "greatest hits" album.

At least McGraw has the integrity to express his regrets. What other bands have reason to apologize for dud albums? Here are some suggestions, based on the idea that these are decent artists who dropped a piece of crap on fans and never said they were sorry for doing so:
  • Republic, New Order
  • Presence, Led Zeppelin
  • Give 'Em Enough Rope, The Clash
  • Give My Regards to Broad Street, Paul McCartney
  • Mighty Like A Rose, Elvis Costello
  • Never Let Me Down, David Bowie
  • Kill Uncle, Morrissey
  • The Spaghetti Incident?, Guns N' Roses
  • A Momentary Lapse of Reason, Pink Floyd
  • Monster, R.E.M.
  • It's Hard, The Who

Tuesday, October 7

Fraud at box office!

Why did the conservative comedy "An American Carol" crater in its opening weekend? Fraud at the box office committed by liberal ushers, of course, as Wonkette tells us.

DULLARD TAKE: There's no conspiracy here. The marketplace has spoken, just as it did with "Battlefield Earth."

Wednesday, October 1


It occurred to me that the McCain campaign really should just bump Palin off the ticket in favor of Tina Fey. Half the country won't even notice; she'll make many fewer idiotic gaffes to the press; and could probably actually do a decent job.

Or even better if Obama replaced Biden with Fey, and Fey could debate Palin, in character, just repeating everything Palin says.