Tuesday, February 28

OK, then -- best & worst Bond girls

In one of the Bond threads it was mentioned that this would be a subject for another thread, so let's. My favorite Bond girl would have to be Xenia Onatopp from Goldeneye, because I loves me some Famke Janssen.

Worst: Grace Jones from the execrable A View to a Kill.

I'm betting Scott will go with Ursula Andress in Dr. No.

Best Bond film? I'd say Goldfinger. Best theme, decent plot, best Bond. And Oddjob.

Worst? By far, Moonraker. At least A View to a Kill has Christopher Walken.

More domestic spying

The Guard has always been coy about whether it, in fact, spied on Californians.

So many things wrong with that sentence.

Get the Wikipedia on your iPod


Who's a Chaotic Good Human Bard?

I'm a Chaotic Good Human Bard.

Born into Scientology

The latest Rolling Stone magazine has a substantial article on Scientology. Much of it will be familiar to those who know about the organization, but there's some new stuff, too: namely, the testimonials of children of Scientologists.

Monday, February 27

RIP Octavia Butler

Nice rememberance.

Dennis Weaver is no longer with us

Actor Dennis Weaver, perhaps most famous for TV's "Gunsmoke," has died at age 81. Dullards may also recall him as the targeted driver in "Duel!" — the Spielman's first major work.

Best Bush impersonation yet

A funnyman does the president.

Wake him up before he go-goes

George Michael of Wham! fame has been busted, this time on possible drug charges after he was found slumped over the steering wheel of his car in London.

Saturday, February 25

Don Knotts is no longer with us

RIP, Deputy Fife.

UPDATE: Most pieces on Knotts are focusing almost exclusively on his Mayberry connections. It's certainly the highlight. But only a few in the hated MSM have bothered to mention Knotts' presence on "Three's Company" and his underappreciated movies, including the Kafka-esque "The Incredible Mr. Limpet." (Knotts plays a man who turns into a fish.) Leave it to E! to wrap up the man's career properly.

Mmmm, pie.

Florida lawmakers are finally getting down to the business of the people: deciding on the official state pie. But is it key lime or pecan? Panhandle legislators are saying that the key lime is stale, and they want pecan. South Florida solons are pushing for the key lime, not only for its taste but also its history.

: Can't we all get along? Pie is pie; it's all good. As any patron of House of Pies would tell you, it's hard to choose, but we'll try.

Pecan has gooey goodness, to be sure. Yet the key lime, with its mixture of tart and sweet, seems to better reflect the nature of the state. Plus, it's special: Several states across the Southeast would likely tout pecan as their pie, but no one but Florida can claim the key lime.

Friday, February 24


Is this the find of country we want to live in?

Nay, say I.

"Her arm was found near the accident still clutching a cell phone."

Woman's Arm Severed In Car Accident

Dolly pleads for tolerance

Self-described "out-there freak" Dolly Parton says it's OK just to be who you are. The country/gospel superstar is up for an Oscar for her song on the "Transamerica!" soundtrack. The tune, "Travellin' Thru," may be remixed for dance clubs.

Nazi punks, f--- off!

The same morons who caused a ruckus in Ohio will march on Orlando this weekend, this time taking their racist/fascist message through a predominately black neighborhood south of downtown. Counter-demonstrations are planned, but some say it's best to ignore these thugs altogether.

DULLARD ADVICE: Stay home and listen to an old Dead Kennedys record. (NSFW)

Thursday, February 23

Return to Waterloo

The new Ray Davies album, "Others People's Lives," is out, but the reviews are mixed, as reflected in this one from The Boston Globe. But the NYT reports that his fan base, however small, is still fiercely loyal to the point of being a little bit scary.

Morrissey probed, then moves to Rome

Maybe it was for suggesting that the queen is dead, boys. Maybe it was for saying that meat is murder. Maybe it was for dreaming of Margaret Thatcher on guillotine. Maybe it was for singing that America's belly is too big, as he did on his most recent studio album. Or maybe it was for supporting John Kerry in 2004.

Whatever the reason, former Smiths frontman Morrissey claims that he's been targeted by the FBI (among others) in a possible anti-terror investigation. He also has given up on Los Angeles and moved to Rome. He calls the City of Angels "a crashingly naive place." Finally, the "Suedehead" singer says he was terribly depressed by the demise of the Smiths back in the 1980s. Who woulda thunk?

By coincidence, these odd statements come just ahead of the release of Moz's newest disc, "Ringleader of the Tormentors." It drops in early April.

Despite all of this silliness, "The Queen Is Dead," which marks its 20th anniversary this year, is still one of the all-time great albums.

Wednesday, February 22

Bond Again

Sorry, this was worth a post rather than just a comment... I don't understand the angry fans boycotting Daniel Craig, as most of them think Brosnan was a good Bond. Ha.

Anyway, here is my take, best to worst:

Sean Connery: The best, especially in the first three.

Timothy Dalton: Awesome, awesome, awesome. Tall, dark, handsome, surly, angry. I'm not even sure that Connery could have been as convincing as Dalton was when 007 resigned from the British Secret Service and stood up to "M".

Roger Moore: I think he was great in his first two/three, then the writing and him just got too damn goofy.

George Lazenby: Not bad, but looked a little goofy. Of course, he had to wear a kilt and pretend he was goofy, even gay, for half the movie. But he was in the best James Bond movie ever, so it's hard to diss him. And he got to shag Diana Rigg (Mrs. Bond).

Pierce Brosnan: Too damn skinny and runs like a girl. Michelle Yeoh played a better Bond than him. And so did Halle Berry. The funny thing is that he played a far better Bond in the remake of The Thomas Crown Affair.

I am hopeful about Daniel Craig. He's got enough of the villain in him to maybe play it a little more like Dalton, and enough suave to get some of the Connery back in it.

And of course I am going to go see the next James Bond. I'm a man, aren't I? Plus Vesper Lynd is in it, who the original Bond Martini is named after.

Bond broken

Angry fans are lashing out at the selection of Daniel Craig as the next James Bond. They're calling for a boycott of the latest installment of the series, "Casino Royale!" That will be easy for me, since I haven't seen a Bond movie since "Golden Eye!"


Sean Connery: Rocked. (Is there any doubt?)
George Lazenby: Didn't see him. (Did anyone?)
Roger Moore: So-so. (Saddled by increasingly stupid scripts and advanced age.)
Timothy Dalton: So-so. (Underrated, still not great; brought a surly side to the role that made Bond interesting as a character again.)
Pierce Brosnan: Sucked. (Never bought into him as Bond. Sorry, but he will forever be Remington Steele.)

Monday, February 20

The animals are laughing at us

"Nature!" on PBS has a solid episode this month on animals running amok. Among the trouble-makers:

-- baboons invading kitchens in South Africa
-- Asian carp leaping onto boats in the American Midwest
-- killer bees attacking hikers in Arizona
-- foxes stealing newspapers in Kansas

Check your local listings or click here for more.

Thursday, February 16

Rescued by monkeys; now ready to marry

Not an article about my brothers; actually a touching story about a man raised by monkeys. Really!

Will the real Entwistle please stand up?

Am I the only Dullard annoyed and confused by this murder case involving a guy named Entwistle? Every time I see that name in a newspaper headline or on the Web, I think of the dead Who bassist, not the latest idiot to be made famous by Court TV.

Damn the MSM.

Sorry, world.

More Abu Ghraib photos.

Some of these photos might make you uncomfortable, so you should view them.


Here's a good way to lose an hour or two:the Wikipedia entry for LOST. I particularly enjoyed the list of nicknames Sawyer has used on the show.

(Re: last night's episode: Consensus on various message boards is that the heiroglyphs on the counter are symbols for the various other D.H.A.R.M.A. stations, and that they form the Egyptian command, "Die!")

Tuesday, February 14

Trouble for TomKat?

Life & Style magazine reports that happy couple Thomas Mapother IV and Katie Holmes are on the way to Splitsville. Reps for TomKat deny it all, but this is usually how celeb breakups happen. C'mon: Life & Style magazine couldn't be wrong, right?

Stop the robot menace!

A Ph.D. in robotics tells us how to do it. I, for one, welcome our robot overlords.

Scalia in the third person

It's barely newsworthy that Justice Scalia doesn't see the Constitution as a living document, although he did call the people who think that way "idiots." What is noteworthy is the third-person reference in his speech:

Scalia does have a philosophy; it's called originalism. That's what prevents him from doing the things he would like to do.

Ange asserts that people who talk like this are nutty.

Hulk becomes lawman

Lou Ferrigno of "Incredible Hulk" fame is now a sheriff's deputy in L.A. County.

Monday, February 13

Uncle Owen is no longer with us

Phil Brown, the black-listed actor who played Luke Skywalker's uncle in the original "Star Wars," has died at age 89.

I second the call for a monorail

Especially monorails full of cute puppies.

The Wisdom of Parasites

Great science writing.

Didn't see that coming.

David Byrne teams with Fatboy Slim to produce a song-cycle about the life of Imelda Marcos.

How to make Garfield funny?

Remove his thought balloons.

Meet me at the cemetery gates

A writers' graveyard in Rome — the final resting place for Keats, among others — is in disrepair. What would Morrissey say?


Back in the day, we called 'em Dumpster divers. Now they're called Freegans, and yes, they are on the Internets. They claim to even find beer sometimes.

Sunday, February 12

Ray Bradbury touts monorail for L.A.

The sci-fi scribe makes his case. Alas, any serious proposal for such a rail system must overcome the stigma of the famous "Simpsons" episode pictured here for your amusement.

Friday, February 10

Sneaky previews

Bob Mondello of NPR walks us through the latest in satirical trailers, complete with a nifty roundup of takes on "Brokeback Mountain!"

I love...

...the very existence of Final Destination 3.

But then, I'm the one that forced my wife to Tivo Boa vs. Python.

Brownie bites back!


Michael Brown of FEMA fame is back in the spotlight. He's apparently not happy about his portrayal as the scapegoat for the botched federal response to Hurricane Katrina.

"Brownie" (as famously dubbed by President Bush) has told a congressional panel that the White House knew when the New Orleans levees broke — and it was much earlier than previously disclosed. He is casting doubt on the claims that the administration was caught off guard by the levee disaster. It's all turning into a "who knew what, and when did they know it" scenario.

"Brownie" made for some great one-liners for the late-night comics. He was the bumbler, the easy butt of easy jokes. Certainly, he and FEMA were guilty of incompetence that went beyond comedic and into the tragic. "Brownie" had to go, and he did.

What's been odd from the start of this fiasco is the relative inattention to Brownie's boss, Michael Chertoff. As head of the Department of Homeland Security, Chertoff was in charge, and Brownie was his subordinate. Yet Chertoff escaped the brunt of the late-night jokes and the newspaper editorials.

That is, until now. As head of Homeland Security, Chertoff is responsible for its core task: to ensure that the nation is ready for disaster, be it manmade or natural. His department is charged with preparation and communication, with special attention to eliminating the federal-state-local problems in dealing with the unexpected. Under Homeland Security, agencies at all levels are supposed to work together, talk to each other and protect the American people.

Homeland Security's wretched performance during the Katrina disaster and recovery has exposed the failure to meet this mission. The Dullard Gazette, therefore, calls for Michael Chertoff to resign, effectively immediately.

Gojira weeps

Akira Ifukube, who wrote the music for the original "Godzilla" movies, is no longer with us. Thanks to our friends at Evil Androids for the heads-up on this.

"A Day in the Life" on the market

It seems like there's a Beatles-related auction at least once a week. This one, offering Lennon's half of the lyrics to "A Day in the Life," at least has a site that gives you a good look at what you're bidding on.

Thursday, February 9

GIGS: Ghost Town tonight

Ghost Town is playing a short half-hour set at Universal Bar & Grill in Studio City (though there's a chance we'll get to play 2 sets, if something "unfortunate" happens to one of the other bands on the bill....)

Cover is $7, $5 if you print this out and bring it with you.

Ghost Town is:
Laura Derby: vocals, booty shaking
Ken Lasaine: guitar, pyrotechnics
Frank San Filippo: bass, bookkeeping
Kevin Smith: keys, obfuscation
Adam Steinberg: drums, levitation

Is the endgame near for Big Realty?

The NYT reports that new Web sites such as Zillow are eating into services provided by real-estate agents. You may soon may be able to make an offer on a house online.

Will Realtors go the way of travel agents?

Wednesday, February 8

Happy Birthday, Scotty!

In your honor, I won't make any jokes about this.

Many happy returns.

Tuesday, February 7

Administration official: "Big Bang" is just a theory

It's official. We are the stupidest nation on the face of the planet.

1077 days of this asinine theocracy left.

Send O'Reilly to Darfur!

Nick Kristof of the NYT is holding a pledge drive to help pay to send Bill O'Reilly to see what's happening in Sudan. The columnist had earlier challenged the Fox commentator to visit the stricken land, and O'Reilly responded that he didn't have time.

Monday, February 6

Is he funny to you?

Joe Pesci of "Goodfellas!" fame is under investigation for possible assault of a fan.

Super Bowl redux

GAME: A few trick plays by the Steelers in the second half made it entertaining, but overall, this was a sloppy game, riddled with false starts and instant-replay reviews. Of course, the team I was pulling for won, so that helped. Dullard rating: So-so.

ADS: Yeah, yeah, they're the reason you're supposed to watch even if you have no interest in football. It's remarkable how this idea has been sold to us: "If you do not watch these ads, you will be culturally adrift! Don't be an outcast!" The commercials themselves were pedestrian if not flat out boring, with the best of the lot probably the Leonard Nimoy bit for Aleve. Dullard rating: Sucked.

: The Rolling Stones were perhaps booked to give back some edge after Sir Paul's polite performance last year. They delivered a hits-friendly, predictable set of three songs. I was a bit surprised that they played a bluesy track from the new album (which no one cares about), but not at all surprised that ABC used the delay to nip out the naughty bits. Yet, when Mick took off his jacket to reveal his pasty, saggy arms, the lasting image was at least as disturbing as Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction from two years ago. Dullard rating: So-so.

Overall Dullard rating for Super Bowl XL: So-so.

Footnote: For those looking for a primer on so-called American football, the BBC has a good one.

Friday, February 3


So that's what's got the Resident's titties in a twist over human-animal hybrids.

I see his point.

Thursday, February 2

Grilled cheese chomper crowned

A woman eats 26 grilled cheese sandwiches in 10 minutes in a high-stakes showdown in NYC.

I don't like, however, that contestants are allowed to soak their sandwiches (or hot dogs, in those contests) in water as they eat them. Who eats like that? I demand realism in the "sport" of competitive eating.

Lisa Loeb In A Thong

Sometimes, with the right headline, you don't really need a snarky little block of text. Just go.

If it's too loud...

... then sue the bastards. A guy in Louisiana is doing just that, saying an iPod should come with a warning label about potential hearing loss.

Wednesday, February 1

Bet he got the idea from Pete Townsend

Ray Davies is planning to research porno movies for his upcoming Lola musical.