Tuesday, May 31

Dispatches From Couples Therapy.

From McSweeney's Internet Tendency.

Nader accuses Bush, Cheney of ''High Crimes and Misdemeanors"

Calls for impeachment debate.

Too bad Nader had to go and blow all his credibility during the 2004 election.

Mission Accomplished.

Eventually. Probably by 2009 or so. But we'll still have some troops there after that, of course.

Worth noting: More soldiers died in the past year than in the year before. At this rate, by next Memorial Day, more soldiers will have died in Iraq than in the 9/11 bombings.

And Bush still isn't thinking too much about Osama.

Christian Slater busted

The "Heathers" superstar is nabbed by NYC police despite his plea of "I didn't do anything." The charge: ass-grabbing.

Monday, May 30

Snakehead terror in DC!

The Asian import swims with feral goldfish and piranha in the murky waters of the Potomac.

Sunday, May 29

Crazy Horse to be honored

I guess I might support a monument to Neil Young, but his backing band?

Do they rock? Well, sure. But to spend $17 million on a Crazy Horse monument?

"Live Aid" sequel set

Geldof refuses to call it Live Aid II, but that's what it will be, sometime in July. Among the fabulous superstars rumored to be in attendance: Sting and the Spice Girls.

Rock on!

File Under Potential Band Names

Jesus Ultrasound

Spader Gets a Snootful of Shatner

He had a very sort of, a strangely very attractive sort of pungent sort of gamey, sort of a venison or a lamb sausage... and a little bit of rosemary with a touch of ranch dressing."

Thursday, May 26

Schwarzenegger Innovates

First politician to try product placement. Whotta maroon!

Sims Creator Goes to Next Level

New game let's you evolve your own species. Not available in Texas.

"Culture of Life"


"Tentacles beckon visitors"

That's the front-page headline in the paper in Salinas, Calif. The news: a new "hands on" exhibit at Monterey Bay Aquarium featuring the kraken.

Key quote: "We found that the giant Pacific octopus was one of a visitor's very favorite animals, so we created this experience as if you were in an octopus' den."

Fools! Didn't they see "Jaws 3-D" and what happened at Sea World?

Wednesday, May 25

Do They Come in a Size 4 Mary Jane?

New shoes that may be just perfect for a certain Trading Space-addicted wife of mine....

Waiter Axioms

From the Waiter Rant blog.

The Future, Conan?

O'Brien on wither television.

Tuesday, May 24

Brutal Details of 2 Afghan Inmates' Deaths

This is what our government is doing in our names. How many times does this shit have to be reported before it rises above the level of "isolated incidents" to "U.S. foreign policy?"

I hope future generations look back on this time of our history in horror.

Anthony Bourdain Jumps the Shark

Boy oh boy, is this going to suck.

Phil Spector: Guilty

Guilty of looking like the most fabulous Hair-Bear ever, that is!

UFOs on demand!

Courtesy of the Prophet Yahweh.

Desperate Revenge of the Sith Housewives

“Revenge of the Sith” and “Desperate Housewives” were at the top of hype heap this week. The Empire and Wisteria Lane have more in common than you might think: Both melodramas hinge on fractured families, assorted betrayals, unintended pregnancies and quick deaths.

Which finale fared better? Overall, which saga satisfies? In a key entertainment tilt replete with spoilers, we break it down for you, Dullard-style:

SURPRISE FACTOR: We knew the Sith story walking in; even George Lucas has referred to it as “Titanic in Space.” Yes, Darth Vader turned to the Dark Side, and not for entirely convincing reasons. We knew flipping on the TV that at least one Housewife character would die, but which one? That was more of a shocker, and we aren’t even sure that character really died since we didn’t see it with our own eyes. Advantage: Housewives.

SEXY FACTOR: Natalie Portman vs. Eva Longoria. ‘Nuff said. Advantage: Housewives.

DIALOG: “Hold me like you did by the lake on Naboo” or “Rex cries after he ejaculates.” Advantage: Housewives.

MUSIC: John Williams is obviously beyond his glory years, but Danny Elfman’s “Housewives” theme is self-derivative. Advantage: Push.

SPECIAL EFFECTS: Much has been made of the technological achievements at Lucasfilm, and Sith has its share of eye-popping moments. Still, it leaves us a little cold. Meanwhile, the Housewives crew is working overtime to put the best faces possible on well-worn Teri Hatcher and Nicolette Sheridan. Advantage: Housewives.

FINAL BATTLE: Obi-Wan vs. Darth in the lava fields was pretty cool, carried off with style thanks to the hard-working Ewan McGregor. Delfino vs. Young at the quarry was more talk and not enough action. Advantage: Sith.

RESOLUTION: Lucas worked it all together, in a somewhat haphazard way, and finally pulled the threads pointing to Episode IV. This trilogy is definitely over. Give the Housewives credit, too. The show solved a lot more of the mystery than “The X-Files” or similar shows did, but still foisted a cliffhanger on us. Hey, there’s gotta be another season. Advantage: Sith.

DENOUEMENT: Both ended in trademark fashion: Sith in a swell of strings and no dialog; Housewives with a voiceover from the grave. Each plays to its strengths, but Sith's final scenes leave questions: If the Death Star is already well under construction when Luke is a baby, why is it just getting operational when he's a young adult, as seen in Episode IV? Isn't Tatooine the most obvious place to hide the child? His name is still Skywalker, yet he goes unnoticed for 20 years? Just how stupid is this Empire anyway? Advantage: Housewives.


“Desperate Housewives” — rocked

“Revenge of the Sith” — so-so

Monday, May 23

Court-Martial to Begin for Navy SEAL

Why do these freedom-hating activist judges not understand that the world is better off without a fascist regime that tortures and disappears people? Oh, what's that?


Kinks over Beatles

And Bowie over The Who. So say listeners to BBC radio.

Administration Pinning Muslim Unrest on Newsweek

Frank Rich responds with an eloquent Shyeah Right!

Ernest T. Bass, R.I.P.

Howard Morris, dead at 85.

Saturday, May 21


Mary Kay Letourneau of Seattle, Washington, and Vili Fualaau, also of Seattle, were wed Friday, May 20. The ceremony was at the Columbia Winery in Woodinville, Washington.

Letourneau's teenage daughter, Mary Claire, from her earlier marriage, was maid of honor. The couple's two daughters, Audrey, 8, and Alexis Georgia, 7, were flower girls.

Letourneau, who attended Arizona State University and Seattle University, is a former teacher. The couple first met when Fualaau was in the second grade at Shorewood Elementary School.

Faulaau is the author of "Only One Crime, Love."

After a honeymoon in the back of Letourneau's car, the couple will reside in Seattle.

Friday, May 20

"Robert Plant and Rockpile Stole This Song from Elvis..."

"Tonight, we're stealing it back!"

We're kicking off tonight's set with "Little Sister," and I thought about using that as an intro.... but I don't think anyone would get it.

I think I will use the idea of theft to tie all the songs together tonight, by letting people see behind the curtain a little bit at what I've cribbed from better writers in cobbling together my little aires d'loon. For example, Raspberry Strawberry is cobbled together from old jump-rope songs, so I really edited the lyric more than wrote it -- an idea somewhat inspired by Tom Waits's recurring use of nursery-rhyme figures in his tunes. I think using these sorts of childhood rhymes is amazingly effective because it taps into a pre-critical area of the brain that's pre-programmed to relate to them.

Also, I stole the idea for the use of the "untrustworthy narrator" from Randy Newman, who uses this literary device a lot-- in fact, now that I think about it, I was more influenced by Randy Newman talking about using this device than his own actual records, which I don't listen to much. I was probably more directly influenced by Jim Thompson, who uses untrustworthy narrators in books like "Pop. 1280" and "A Swell-Looking Babe." I tried to use such a narrator for Someday Baby, to limited success; I found it a struggle to get across in the confines of a 4-minute pop song the idea that you couldn't take the narrator's words at face value because she's not just lying to you-- she's lying to herself about her man coming back to her, and using that as an excuse to have just one more gin... and another, and another.

Lastly, when I introduce Mrs. Jones, I'll take the opportunity to illustrate how it is an homage (which is a fancy-pants French way of saying "theft") to both Dylan's Ballad of a Thin Man (probably rock's most alluded-to song), and the Kinks' Well-Respected Man, which my song quotes musically. My idea was to write a song about what Mrs. Jones gets up to while Mr. Jones is at his 9-to-5. It is partially inspired by true events that I suspect happen in the summer when Jody is not teaching, and takes the opportunity to instruct our cat Lucy in the finer points of mixology.

Igor Stravinsky is quoted as saying "A good composer does not imitate, he steals." He's obviously being a little falsely modest here, as the amount of pure invention in his works is staggering. But as you can see, I've taken to heart the idea that the first step in the creative process is thievery.

Oddly enough, I've seen a similar quote attributed to Pablo Picasso as well, so clearly at least one of them is a dirty thief.

Conversations With My Wife Inspired by CSI

We stumbled across the adult-infantalism episode a month or so ago, and Jody goes "No! People don't--"

"Yeah, baby,
people do."



Probably a bigger deal than it seems. The drag-and-drop of web elements alone is worth the (US$0.00) price of admission. Might be about time to buy some Google stock, if I weren't still so gunshy....


The site that dares to ask, "What are you eating? Why are you crying?"

Thursday, May 19

Happy birthday, Pete Townshend!

The Who's Pete Townshend hits the big 6-0 today.

Wednesday, May 18


Wow. Next time I have to make an insurance claim and they want documentation of what I owned -- I'm just going to send the insurance agent here and tell him to find it himself.

News of the Weird

What's Green with Question Marks and is Starting to Smell?

The Riddler.

Robert Altman Directing 'Prairie Home Companion'

Woody Harrelson to costar with Meryl Streep. The kicker? Lindsay Lohan plays her daughter.

I like me some Altman, but I think I have to stay home and wax my cuticles that night.

Tuesday, May 17

Bill Moyers: "A democracy can die of too many lies"

Some choice quotes:

"The quality of democracy and the quality of journalism are deeply entwined."

"We're seeing unfold a contemporary example of the age-old ambition of power and ideology to squelch and punish journalists who tell the stories that make princes and priests uncomfortable."

"News is what people want to keep hidden and everything else is publicity."

"An unconscious people, an indoctrinated people, a people fed only on partisan information and opinions that confirm their own bias, a people made morbidly obese in mind and spirit by the junk food of propaganda, is less inclined to put up a fight, to ask questions and be skeptical."

"The flag belongs to the country, not to the government. And it reminds me that it's not un-American to think that war -- except in self-defense -- is a failure of moral imagination, political nerve, and diplomacy. Come to think of it, standing up to your government can mean standing up for your country."

Just go read it. It's worth sitting through an Audi ad.

Is There Anyone Else Like Robert Evans? No, Kid, There Ain't.

Evans waxes rhapsodic about porn director Andrew Blake, as only Robert Evans can. Favorite quote: "Mystery had always been his MO, publicity his NO."

Maybe We Don't Want to Know Who You People Are

Just glancing through our referrer logs, I learn that the Dullard Gazette is the #4 Google search result for "siegfried and roy hitler youth."

I'm not sure what's worse -- that we're so high for that particular search; that 3 sites are actually higher; or that people doing such a search end up here.

Whoever you are, welcome, I guess. Hope you like kraken stories!

Sony Demos PS3

Introduces new LOD technology. (video)

Play "The Contest"

The DVD set of Season 4 of "Seinfeld" drops today. (Buy it!) This is the one even the casual fan would want: The Contest, The Pilot, The Outing, among other famous episodes.

Not that there's anything wrong with that...


Keith Olbermann calls for the resignation of Scott McClellan.

Monday, May 16

US Secretly Sterilized Own Citizens

Some 65,000 between 1929-1974.

This presumably would be one of the stories that 22% of US Citizens would be ok with allowing the government to censor.

"Sith" and the critics

The last "Star Wars" movie is winning the critical battle overall, according to the Rotten Tomatoes site.

A.O. Scott at the NYT hails it despite reservations over the stiff dialogue, but Kenneth Turan in L.A. cautions that the movie is "dramatically leaden and earthbound."

By the way, does anyone else find it a bit creepy that Lucasfilm sends people dressed up as stormtroopers to the premieres?

Saturday, May 14

Roller girls!

The NYT reports that old-fashioned roller derby is back. The Gotham Girls site has good information on the origins of the sport and how it all works plus fun team nicknames.

Friday, May 13

Happy birthday, David Byrne!

The former Talking Heads frontman turns 53 on Saturday. His blog (he prefers the term journal), previously mentioned here, is still worth a look now and again.


Looks like a cool hack -- and it would be great to be able to use a keyboard to interface with TiVo's scheduling, but.... I figure my DirecTiVo's probably going to get replaced in a year or two, so I'm not sure I want to bother investing the time or money to hook up a network adaptor.

Maybe if Arshad comes to visit, though....

Don't look at fat people. They know what you're up to.

Yay, Philippe!

I Believe in the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost

"Arrested Development" may be coming back after all!

John Lennon's Jukebox

Interesting-looking PBS special.

Bedbug attack!

The pests are on the march across America's hotels and around the world.

Thursday, May 12

Out of the Mouths of Babes

How come Dutch school children can ask tougher questions of the President than our own press?

And is it true that people in other countries are being asked for donations to aid the poor in the U.S.? If so, that's a profound embarrassment.

Overheard in New York

Just what it says.

This is the Modern World

Sparky T. Penguin, private eye.

Letters to Walken

Needs more cowbell.

Newday On Top of Things

Newsday notes that things aren't going so well in Iraq.

Wednesday, May 11

Molly Bingham's Lessons From Iraq

Brave and patriotic photojournalist Molly Bingham just got home from Iraq, and has some interesting points raises some compelling questions, such as: Why don't we hear anything about the motivations of the "terrorists" fighting American occupation in Iraq? Is there a reason we've mostly been given the impression that we're fighting only "Islamic extremists"? And to what extent is that characterization accurate?

Scientology Losing Ground To New Church

Join Fictionology today!

Tuesday, May 10

Bela Lugosi ain't dead yet

Seminal goth-rockers Bauhaus are back, creating a buzz at SoCal's recent Coachella music festival. Singer Peter Murphy opened the band's set by hanging upside down, bat-style, in a rendition of "Bela Lugosi's Dead."

Other acts of note included Nine Inch Nails, Arcade Fire and New Order. The Cocteau Twins reunion failed to materialize, however.

Personal trivia: My first date included seeing "The Hunger," with the opening scene of Bauhaus doing "Bela." I shoulda known that was gonna be a weird relationship -- beware the vampire girl!

Tom Green Comes Clean

Releasing album:
It is time for me to be honest with the public, with my friends, with my family, and most importantly, with myself. I am a rapper."

Whither Dave?

Chappelle freaking out, postponing season 3. Again.

Possible Firefox security problem

For those of you who browse with Mozilla Firefox, you might want to be careful and disable JavaScript.

She had him at "hello"

More weirdness from the world of celeb romance: Renee Zellweger of "Jerry Maguire" and "Bridget Jones" fame has gotten hitched to country music's Kenny Chesney.

The unlikely couple allegedly met a few months ago at a benefit for victims of the tsunami. Zellweger had previously dated Jack White of the White Stripes and rubber-faced/butt-waving comic Jim Carrey, among others.

Monday, May 9

Who Are You People?

Well, we've finally crested the 10,000 visit mark. If you're a regular reader, please drop a line in the comments section of this post.

Morallity quiz

Here's an interesting exercise for testing your views on morality.

The Huffington Post Launches

I hope this takes off. Top anti-establishment stories, and celebrity bloggers like Mike Nichols, Ellen DeGeneres, John Cusack and David Mamet.

Rejected 'Love Is...' Comics

Not safe for work.

Sunday, May 8

Saturday, May 7

'Live Aid II' rumors flying

An aged Bob Geldof denies that another benefit concert is afoot, but he doesn't put the reports to rest altogether. His minions say that yes, discussions have been held on a show to raise awareness about conflicts in Africa, presumably Sudan.

Says the former Boomtown Rats frontman and unlikely star of "The Wall" movie: "It is kite flying, that's all it is. It is just talk. Why would I possibly repeat something I did 20 years ago?"

I dunno, the same reason Duran Duran is touring?

Friday, May 6

Liner notes as autobiography

The Onion AV Club strings together liner notes from re-issues of nearly 20 years of Elvis Costello records to create a musical timeline. It's an interesting look at his ups and downs.

Personal favorite: "Blood and Chocolate."

Thursday, May 5

Religious Groups Oppose Cancer Vaccine

Why? Because they are pathologically obsessed with sex and the subjugation of women. A vaccine for the human papilloma virus (HPV, which causes cervical cancer) is about to be released, and these bastards are opposing it because HPV is sexually transmitted, and they don't want to encourage premarital sex.

Yes, these "Christians" would rather have thousands of women die of cancer just so they can influence, however minutely, the number of women who might have sex for, oh, I don't know, pleasure (never mind the women that might contract HPV through non-consensual sex as well).

Bah. I'm so angry, I've lost the ability to edit run-on sentences....

Roger Ebert and the Little People

I have no commentary -- just kind of interesting, and odd.

Land speeder

In a moment that harkens to "Buckaroo Bonzai," some blokes in the Nevada desert will try to shatter the speed record for an electric car. The current mark is 245 mph.

Frasier takes a fall

It's not quite as good as that time Castro fell on his face, but Kelsey Grammer's tumble during a speech at Disneyland is worth a look.

Wednesday, May 4

Now God's Just F*cking With Us

Stryper Reunites.

The Colbert Report

Daily Show Senior _______ Correspondent Stephen Colbert gets a spin-off.

I don't know if I can take a nightly half-hour of Colbert's unctuous smarm, but it should be an interesting experiment.

If you can catch a rerun of it, Colbert's segment on the Daily Show Monday (partially rebroadcast on Tuesday's show) was the dirtiest thing I've seen on TV -- including Skinnemax.

Tuesday, May 3

There is a God, and He Hates Us

Montage from "Riding the Bus with my Retarded Sister".

Faux Americana

Stephan Metcalf puts his finger on what I could never quite be bothered to articulate, though it's a fairly simple concept: Broooooce is full of shit.

Hello, Fodder

Army is shocked, shocked I tell you to discover that it's recruiters will do anything, including drug addled high-school drop-outs to lie so that they can sign up to be cannon fodder.

Animal Rights Activist Stops Export of Sheep to Muslim Country

By feeding them ham. File this under "Unclear on the concept...."

Evil German Scientist to Tackle Kraken Problem

The Body Worlds exhibit is amazing -- it's currently at the Los Angeles Science Center, and if you haven't seen it, go.

Pink Floyd drummer kisses and tells

Nick Mason's book on the band, "Inside Out," drops Stateside this week. Mason has already been making the rounds to plug it, even dining with old bandmate Roger Waters after a Barnes & Noble appearance in NYC.

"Inside Out" is apparently more scrapbook than tell-all, but it does provide some insight into the band's ups and downs.

Amazing Nick Mason trivia that may or may not be addressed in the book:

-- He is the only Floyd member to be in every incarnation of the band, from the Syd days though the glory years of the 1970s and into the post-Roger arena era. He says the band is still not officially over yet. (But to many of us, it has been for a good while.)

-- He did not play on the track "Mother" from "The Wall." Jeff Porcaro of Toto fame was brought in when Mason couldn't get it right.

Waters, meanwhile, is threatening to unleash "Ca Ira," a symphonic piece inspired by the French Revolution.

Sunday, May 1

Sci-fi scribes diss "Star Wars" saga

The great and the near-great tell the NYT that they're glad it will all be over soon.

Anyone who is a practitioner of science fiction is constantly dogged by the ghettoization of the genre. And a lot of that comes from the very simplistic, 2-D Lucasesque view of what science fiction has to offer.

The World’s First All-glass Undersea Restaurant Opens

Roy Scheider, call your agent.